A middle-aged man jokes with his work friends, saying, “I love being a dad- I have 2 great kids…. but my wife has 3!” The group might laugh and allow the conversation to move on, but the truth is, many women today really do feel like they’re left to parent their partners instead of relying on their support with family life. Left to play chef, chauffeur, teacher, nurse, maid, special events coordinator, and correctional officer, many moms feel like they’re always running out of steam- especially if they work outside of the home as well.
It’s Not The Kids… It’s Hubby!
Unfortunately, for many women, as demanding as motherhood can be, their husbands can have an even greater impact on their stress levels. In fact, a survey conducted by Today of over 7,000 moms found that the average mom rates her stress levels an 8.5 out of 10, and 46% of women say their husbands are causing more stress than their kids! Researchers summarized:
- Moms stress most about not having enough time in the day to do everything that needs to be done
- 3 in every 4 moms with partners say they do most of the parenting and household duties
- 1 in every 5 moms says not having enough help from their spouse is a major source of daily stress
Why Are Husbands Stressing Their Wives Out?
So why are husbands adding to their wives’ stress instead of helping ease the load? It’s not always because they don’t care or don’t want to help. Often, it’s just that the division of responsibilities at home still isn’t balanced. Even in households where both parents work, it’s common for moms to be the ones organizing doctor’s appointments, playdates, and homework duties, while dads might take a more laid-back approach.
Moms often find themselves not only doing the work but also carrying the mental load of remembering all the small details that keep family life running smoothly. And that’s where the stress kicks in.
Husbands Can Step Up More
There’s definitely more than one underlying theme here at play. On the one hand, moms are expecting equal support from their partners to take care of their families; things like organizing play dates, doctor appointments, and homework duties. But even in families in which both parents are working full-time, it’s still pretty commonplace for the women to be left with those responsibilities.
How To Fix It: If you notice you and your partner don’t have an even split of at-home responsibilities, talk with him about it! If it helps, try to make a list together of all of the little things that need to get done every week and see how you can make things more equitable. Try starting a shared calendar that both of you can easily access on your phones and computers, so no one has to be worried about forgetting important dates.
Wives Can Step Back More
There’s always two sides to a story. It might be easy to blame your partner for not taking more responsibility at home, but more often than not, they really do want to be the best father and husband they can be! The problem can sometimes be that moms aren’t fully trusting their partners to take on more.
How To Fix It: Women can have fantastic visions for their family and their children. But if not executed exactly right, it might seem easier just to do things yourself than to ask your partner to step in. Resist the temptation! Remember to value your own time to re-charge and care for yourself. If that means your kids are out in public with clashing outfits, so be it.
The Mental Load of Motherhood
Ever feel like you’re the family’s walking calendar, planner, and reminder system? That’s the mental load, and moms tend to carry most of it. Even when dads pitch in, it’s usually moms who are thinking about what needs to happen next—whether it’s remembering doctor appointments, planning meals, or keeping track of school stuff.
It’s not just about doing things—it’s about constantly having them on your mind, and that can get pretty overwhelming after a while.
Balancing Work and Home Life
Trying to juggle work and home life can be a real struggle, especially for moms. Some days, it feels like no matter how hard you try, there’s just not enough time to get everything done. You’re working, keeping up with the kids, managing the house—and it’s exhausting. It can feel like you’re being pulled in a hundred different directions, and burnout is always lurking around the corner.
One of the hardest parts? The constant guilt. Guilt for not spending enough time with the kids or for not giving work your all. It’s tough, and something always feels like it’s slipping through the cracks.
Put Some Spark In Your Relationship
When the flurry of parenthood starts, it can be all too easy to put your relationship on the back-burner. But that’s not how relationships work! You’re not just parents, you’re partners… and you’re individuals! Nurturing a loving relationship between the two of you will make a world of a difference both in the short term and in the long run.
How To Fix It: Do your best to commit a certain amount of time just to each other every week: no kids, no work, no distractions. Keeping the connection strong between each other can help you face those challenging days when all you want to do is scream or cry or hide in the closet with some comfort food. The truth is, both you, your partner and your kids will benefit from your family is founded on a strong partnership.
The Role of Communication
A lot of stress between partners boils down to one thing: not talking enough. It’s so easy to assume the other person knows what needs to be done, but when you don’t actually talk about it, things get messy fast. Suddenly, you’re frustrated because you’re doing it all, and your partner might not even realize how much you’re handling.
It sounds simple, but just having a real conversation can make a big difference. Instead of trying to keep it all together on your own, sit down and talk it out. Sometimes, just getting on the same page can ease a lot of that stress.
Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
In the end, keeping a family running smoothly really comes down to working together. It’s not just about who’s cooking dinner or doing the laundry—it’s about making sure you’re both in it together. When you and your partner support each other, things just feel easier, and everyone, especially the kids, benefits.
It’s never going to be perfect, and that’s okay. Little changes, like asking for help when you need it or carving out time to hang out together, can make a big difference. At the heart of it, a strong partnership makes everything feel a little lighter and the whole family a lot happier.
